Singing for my Supper

Surrealism in reality...

I have been back in California for several days now.  Despite the jetlag and the feeling of complete displacement, I do feel happy to be here.  However, I can no longer refer to it as "home".  And that is truly weird. 

I love my family. We've been through a lot lately.  A lot of things that some families would dissolve over.  But we survived.  We still love each other.  We still talk to each other.  We're still a family.  My friends are amazing.  They say later in life you know who your "real" friends are.  And that number is somehow supposed to be much fewer than you thought.  I don't know where they got that, but it does not apply to me.  I am supremely lucky. 

France was meant to be a vacation.  I was supposed to return.  In late August.  It's late November now.  My life is forever changed and know that CA will no longer be my home. And this is both a wonderful revelation and odd.  I can no longer say it's frightening.  France is no more different than the US in most ways. The culture shock is supremely lessened, and the new culture is a joy to become a part of.  

My time here will be spent performing and moving. I am releasing the majority of my life to others who need it more than I do.  If I hadn't come back, I was perfectly willing to just leave my shit where it was.  Unfair as that might have been to my sister-in-law who's house I have been living in, I'm merely expressing how my connection to the majority of my things has been severed.  Completely severed. I need none of it.  But the few things I will keep, will move with me to France in the near future. 

I am blessed to be able to do this thing that I'm doing.  This forward leap into my life. It is a blessing I wouldn't change for anything. And as happy as I am to be doing it, the reality is, I'm about to turn the page on a pretty big chapter in my life.  A very great chapter. A beautiful chapter. And the interesting thing about this chapter, is that it began and ended with pain.  Decidedly different types of pain, but interesting to note.  

But I digress. 

Life goes on, and so do I. 

I will be around, most likely through the holidays if I can make it happen, and hope to see a lot of you in the weeks to come.  If I don't, I'm sorry, but note that I'm pretty visible on most social networking stuff, so drop me a line.  Say hi.  I'll say Hi back. 

Temps d'avancer...

Allons-y!

New gets newer...

I have moved into the new apartment. 

It is a little ways out of Paris, but when put against the wall to find a place, you take what you can take.  Arguably, I procrastinated on finding a place in hopes I just might get "lucky" like I did with my other place.  No such luck.  Thankfully, a little more plugging helped me to find a site that helped me stay in Paris. 

Interesitng that I find myself having old, bad habits.  

Judgement. 

Of myself, where I am and how "inconvenient" it is.  In the last place, I could walk for 3 minutes in either direction find a patisserie, a grocery store and a cafe.  Here, not so much.  I have a little more of a commute which, honestly, is not that bad.  In any way.  I can be in Paris proper 10 minutes by RER (that's like Caltrain).  What's the problem?  The only problem is late nights and gigs that go beyond the time when the trains stop running, which does suck, but you make do...

I am realizing how tremendously stupid judgement is, and how extremely USELESS it is.  It serves nothing.  It serves no one. It does nothing but reiterate how much unnecessary entitlement one has, and in this place, has NO weight nor meaning.  I am ashamed that I do this, but know I'm not alone in this.  Everyone judges something be it their job, their coworker, whatever...but today, the fact that I have made a way to stay here in Paris even longer than before, is freakin' fantastic!   And for a second I could not do that, because I was pointing out why where I am sucks. 

WHERE I AM DOES NOT SUCK!

I AM IN FUCKING FRANCE!!

...and I forgot that for a second.